


Guilty Love

by kyaappucino, queen_sinnamon



Series: Cherry Gumballs [4]
Category: VIXX
Genre: M/M, Oh the guilt, also child!hongbin learns about guilt, even more angst, the rating is gonna go up later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-28 13:42:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6331438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyaappucino/pseuds/kyaappucino, https://archiveofourown.org/users/queen_sinnamon/pseuds/queen_sinnamon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Hongbin neared the door to the master bedroom, however, he heard a dull rhythmic thudding and his father’s grunts and his fist paused from knocking. Instead, he carefully turned the knob, pushing the door open by a crack and peeking in.</p><p>Hakyeon was kneeling on his and Taekwoon's wide bed, sheets immaculately made except for the area around his knees where a white shirt was laid out. Hongbin recognized a red blotch on its chest area, where he had wiped off the stain of cherry gum from his lips, disappearing only when Hakyeon’s fist buries into it, crumpling the shirt and the sheets around it. Just when he thought it couldn’t get any worse, he hears a strangled sob leave Hakyeon’s throat and it hits him - his father, the cheerful one, was hitting that shirt and crying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Guilty Love

Tablet in hand, Hongbin wandered to their parents’ bedroom. He had just finished bathing Hyuk, his hands still moist from bathwater and leaving rainbows on the tablet screen, and gone up only to call Hakyeon to tuck them all to bed.

As he neared the door to the master’s bedroom, however, he heard a dull rhythmic thudding and his father’s grunts and his fist paused from knocking. Instead, he carefully turned the knob, pushing the door open by a crack and peeking in.

Hakyeon was kneeling on their wide bed, sheets immaculately made except for the area around his knees where a white shirt was laid out. Hongbin recognized a red blotch on its chest area, where he had wiped off the stain of cherry gum from his lips, disappearing only when Hakyeon’s fist buries into it, crumpling the shirt and the sheets around it. Just when he thought it couldn’t get any worse, he hears a strangled sob leave Hakyeon’s throat and it hits him - his father, the cheerful one, was hitting that stain and crying.

Somehow that made Hongbin want to cry, too. He felt something clutch at his chest, a sharp pinprick of pain accompanied by a cloying sort of dread he didn’t quite understand, and that was what made him close the door quietly and back away. He didn’t know at the time, what it was called. He wasn’t old enough to put a name on it, but somehow he knew that his father was suffering because of the stain he’d made on his other father’s shirt, because of him. It was years before he found that what he was feeling was “guilt”.

He was about to duck inside his room when Ken’s door opened, the boy heading downstairs for the kitchen. Ken noticed his younger brother’s distraught face, and pulled him aside murmuring, “Bin-ah, are you okay?”

Hongbin’s first instinct was to say “Yeah, totally fine!”, and the words were almost out of his lips when he heard the dull thud of fist on mattress again, or perhaps he had imagined it because Ken didn’t seem to hear it. His brother was looking at him with growing concern, and the guilt squeezed at his chest so much that he couldn’t breathe, his voice coming out in a whimper. “Hyung…I think…I think I did something wrong.”

Ken’s first instinct was to take his hand and go to their father, but the way Hongbin fidgetted nervously, lips trembling, eyes welling up with tears–Ken knew his brother needed him more right now. “Okay. Lemme get some water first.”

The two children went downstairs and got the water bottles that their parents left on the lowest shelf of the refrigerator and snuck back upstairs–along with a few packets of cookies from the pantry. As Hongbin closed Ken’s bedroom door behind him, he thought that he was lucky for having Ken as a big brother, despite all the pranks he liked to pull.

* * *

“ _Baby, I’m sorry I’m going to be late. Looks like manager-nim is hell-bent on giving me more people to work with. Make it up to you tonight, I promise._ ” 

In the short respite before he was whisked away to another meeting, Taekwoon had managed to tap a message to Hakyeon, hitting send and stuffing his phone into his pocket, failing to notice the dead signal bar.

It was already early evening when Taekwoon arrived home. Missing his family and worried about his husband, he had wanted to leave as soon as possible but his manager had found potential collaborating artists overnight and asked him to meet with them. He had considered killing his manager, but disposing of the body meant that it would take even _longer_ to see his family, so instead he settled for terrorizing his manager with ridiculous requests, including latte runs for the entire staff. There were some things about this life he would gladly give up, if it meant that he was able to drop everything and run to Hakyeon whenever the mood struck him.

Still, he was glad to meet more people from the same industry–and it made Taekwoon smile inwardly when he caught any of the artists looking at his wedding ring. Considering how long it had taken for Hakyeon to design their wedding rings, there was always a little swell of pride in his heart whenever anyone looked at it for too long.

It seemed like an eternity, but at last Taekwoon was dropped off in front of the two-story house that he shared with his husband and their children. Arriving at their house in the evenings was always relaxing for Taekwoon, listening to the sound of crickets and watching his neighbors leisurely pass by. As he drew closer to the front door, Taekwoon felt the fatigue and exhaustion of the music festival creep on him at last. He reached into his jeans pocket for his house keys and entered the front hall of the Cha-Jung household.

He never expected he’d have to be prepared for the storm known as Cha Hakyeon.

* * *

“Goodnight, Hyogie. I love you, my little devil.” Hakyeon nearly laughed when Hyuk giggled in his sleep. When he and the baby were alone, Hyuk was surprisingly cooperative, or perhaps the baby also sensed that Hakyeon was tense and anxious, and decided to give him a break. After Hongbin had bathed Hyuk, he let Hakyeon carry him without complaint, and had even pressed a wet kiss onto his nose, which made the dance instructor smile. It was times like these that made him feel like a real mother to their youngest boy, even if he secretly felt like the child harbored an increasing dislike of him.

He remembered confiding his feelings to Taekwoon, and how his husband had pressed his lips to Hakyeon’s brown hair and said softly, “Wasn’t I the same way?” Hakyeon had shaken his head. “At least you just kept quiet, Hyogie just doesn’t like it when I touch him.” And yet for all of his thoughts and feelings, there were times when their youngest boy did show him affection–such as now.

Gingerly, he laid his youngest child down in his crib and placed Hyuk’s favorite stuffed animals on either side of his head–a large stuffed lion and a stuffed giraffe. When he was like this, silent and Hyuk’s dark eyes were warm with sleep, Hakyeon thought that their youngest baby looked a lot like Taekwoon. This was why he’d just wanted to hold the boy longer, but it was evident that the personality he had inherited could have been from the surrogate.

Or that was what he liked to think, anyway. The child seemed to have a fierce, mischievous personality behind his pretty eyes and wide, gummy smile.

As much as he would have loved to stay until Hyuk was fast asleep, he had three more children to tuck into bed. He checked if the baby monitor was turned on (it was) and carefully, he turned the dimmer switch until the room was no longer starkly white, but a gentle midnight blue mixed with purple around the edges and with great care, he closed the door.

He went to the door across the baby room and peered inside, and saw Hongbin nestled into the covers, breathing deeply, eyes closed though his tablet was in his hands, Park Hyo Shin belting his lungs out in its screen. Hakyeon gently pried the gadget away from the child’s hand and placed it on Hongbin’s nightstand, next to their pretty flower boy’s favorite photo—one where he was holding baby Hyuk for the first time, Ken and Wonshik prodding at the baby from behind.

Hakyeon kissed the top of Hongbin’s soft curls and murmured, “Goodnight, sweetheart. Next time you want to pretend you’re asleep, breathe deeper.” Hongbin’s eyes opened, dark eyes glittering in the dim light and staring up at him, before he buried his face into his pillow and didn’t move again. “I love you, my handsome little doctor.” Hakyeon patted his head and went to the bathroom that Hongbin and Wonshik’s room shared, closing the door behind him.

Cha-Jung Wonshik, on the other hand was sprawled out on his bed, spread-eagled, covers thrown to the floor. Hakyeon sighed—not even the bed rail Taekwoon had installed stopped Wonshik from wriggling around in his sleep, looking at how one of Wonshik’s toes had been bruised, once again. He carefully carried his son, grunting with the effort—Wonshik was getting heavier by the day, but Hakyeon had muscles built over years of dancing, despite his size—and tucked him in properly, adjusting the bed rail a bit higher, so that it wouldn’t hit Wonshik’s toes so often.

Hakyeon wasn’t surprised when Wonshik didn’t even stir; that child could sleep through an earthquake and just wake up hungry for breakfast. “I love you, my sweet little boy,” he said softly, pressing a kiss onto Wonshik’s brow before exiting into the hallway, closing the door behind him. He entered the door on his right, which was Ken’s room, in between Wonshik’s and the master bedroom.

Ken had been eating before bed again, if the bottles and empty cookie packets on his bedside table were any clue. Their eldest child was fast asleep, bloated stomach exposed with his shirt hitched up to ribs. Hakyeon chuckled softly as he pulled Ken’s shirt down, adjusting his blanket so it covered up to his shoulders.

It tugged at his heartstrings, making his eyes sting and a sigh escape his lips. Before they had three more children, Taekwoon and Hakyeon’s world revolved around work, each other, and Ken. It made the dance instructor feel a bit guilty really, and more sad than he could admit, not being able to spend as much time as they used to with their eldest child, bordering on neglect. Despite seeing him everyday, he missed their eldest son. He made a mental note to make time for Ken more often, and pressed a kiss onto Ken’s nose, whispering, “Goodnight, my little artist. I love you.”

As Hakyeon closed Ken’s door behind him, he heard the familiar hum of a car, the door slamming close, and then the metallic shriek of the gate. He knew immediately that his husband was back, probably at the front door now, fumbling for his keys. He was nervous and had to pause, his feet rooted to the spot in front of Ken’s door. It seemed like an eternity before he walked, walked through the long, lit hallway and waited at the top of the stairs, hand resting on the smooth wooden bannister.

Hakyeon was glad that their children had all gone to sleep, at least. He truly wished that they would never have to hear their parents argue, but as he went downstairs, he could feel the stress and anxiety of the entire weekend come back to him.

Hakyeon couldn’t remember a time when he didn’t hate this part of him, the part that got jealous and insecure and lashed out in anger. When they were still dating, it was this part of Hakyeon that Taekwoon didn’t like; could still remember chills running down his spine when Taekwoon had said softly, in a voice laced with darkness and irritation—“If you continue doing that, we’re through.”

Back then, the fear of losing Taekwoon had been bigger than Hakyeon’s anger. Hakyeon had been taken by surprise and replied with a choked sob, pressing himself deeper into Taekwoon’s chest, his hands clutching the taller man’s waist as if it was the only thing that could save him. He hadn’t thought of what would happen, should Taekwoon choose to leave.

I’d…fall apart, probably. Hakyeon thought. His heart was too full of Taekwoon, and if the music producer chose to cut all ties with him, Hakyeon would have to live for the rest of his life without a heart.

He knew he had to marry Taekwoon when, after a particularly bad fight, the music producer had chosen to wrap his arms around Hakyeon’s lithe form, rubbing small soothing circles onto his back, murmuring his name while pressing kisses into his hair. Assuring him that no matter what happened, Hakyeon would always be his choice, and back then, that was all he’d really needed.

As the years passed by his jealousy seemed to disappear entirely, though there were other days when Hakyeon could only try to control himself from lashing out at Minhyuk or his students in the dance studio, hiding out in the bathroom until he felt calm enough to go back to work. Deep inside, he knew that there was still some part of him that prayed that Taekwoon could soothe the storm brewing in Hakyeon’s dark, jealous heart—and that it didn’t involve leaving him, or the children. Despite himself, he hoped that this part would win, in the end.  

He found himself dreading Taekwoon’s return, of what would happen when they were finally face-to-face, of what he would do. Then Hakyeon remembered the shirt, the red blotch, Taekwoon embracing that woman on national TV while he was hidden away at home, uninvited to even witness his husband’s moments of glory, and his jealous heart blackened with rage, pumping fury through his veins.

He took several deep breaths, trying to calm down–but his own rage was pulling him in deeper, the vice tightening around his heart. He wanted to hurt something, anything, but he wasn’t a teenager anymore; he couldn’t punch the tiles that lined the master bathroom and scream until his throat burned raw. Hakyeon was a father now, and had four little ones to think of.

The anger was blurring his vision again.

Then the doorknob clicked and turned.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read our work ^^ 
> 
> Ahhh. Just a little more. ; u ; ~ 
> 
> \---------
> 
> Credit goes to Queen Sinnamon (http://queensinnamon.tumblr.com) for helping me edit, and write parts of the story when I just...couldn't. I keep her updated since she doesn't have AO3, but she's very happy to know that people read our story. :) we honestly thought Cherry Gum was going to be lighthearted, but...as you can see it just grew into this xD
> 
> -
> 
> Thank you for reading! ♥  
> If you enjoyed, liked, or loved this story, please let me know by leaving a comment, kudos, or a little gift to us through [here](http://paypal.me/ChaJungPiggybank)\--Please do note if it's a gift for the Cha-Jung Household. ♥
> 
> We're not requiring you to do any of that, it's completely up to you. We would just be very thankful for any and all kinds of feedback.
> 
> Have a nice day! ♥


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